Some Days It’s Just All Too Much For Me

Celebrating 84 Years!

Some days it’s just all too much for me. Today was one of those days, although, I didn’t know it until it literally choked me out.

I was driving in my car on my way to work this morning. I turned up a song on the radio that I love, and started to sing along. That always usually helps me feel happier. As soon as I started singing, I went into what felt like an asthma attack. I usually only get them when extremely upset, or when I am overexerted in the cold. Anyway, there I was trying to sing and I couldn’t and then the tears started. It startled me so much I was talking to myself… “what the fuck, Kathleen?!”

I had been up late last night trying to help my second son with a dental issue. All along listening to him argue with me over text. I hate texting. It takes so long to have a normal conversation. I ended up staying up past 2 a.m. and doing the legwork for him. This is my very long story made short.

I woke up this morning and called the dental office and they informed me that since he is 18 now, he has to call himself. Back to texting him again to let him know what had transpired and the arguing started on his part again. With me all along trying to be very clear and helpful. Trying to give him instruction and peace of mind of what he exactly needed to do. All by text. Blah.

He made the appointment in the end, but to get there took hours from the night before and this morning combined. A whole lot of back and forth and an apology from him at the end.

As I was texting my second son, I also started texting my third son that is having another issue. I was trying to guide him after he sent me a very lengthy text. I called his Case Worker in the Dean’s office of the college and left her a voicemail with a follow-up email. Another very long story I am making short. She contacted him immediately, but he didn’t answer the call. Proceeded to argue with me, again one sided, with me trying to be very clear about what he needed to do. In the end, he also had an appointment with her this afternoon.

I guess just everything I have been going through as of late, just buckled inside of me out of the blue. I try to stay calm. I try to keep my head clear. I have so many people asking for my help or needing it. I do the best I can, but I’m not cut out for the back and forth over text. I’m not cut out for the argument and trying to extinguish it to get the best result over text. It is exhausting. Completely and totally exhausting. I guess my body was telling me that this morning and I couldn’t shake it for hours. A damn phone call is so much easier I think.

I am so thankful that I have had 4 people in my life that have been there for me each and every day during everything that has been coming up in my life. I don’t know what I would have done without these amazing women. They have been my rocks. My sounding boards.

At some moments I have even had more support. I am thankful for all of it. I appreciate any little moment that someone is willing to reach out and ask me about my day. Some days it is exactly what has helped me get though that moment.

Today was hard. This evening I am exhausted. My brain is friend.

I was able to come home and cook a very nice 84th Birthday dinner for my Father and we also had a nice little cake. It brought a smile to my face. To all of our faces. Especially FaceTiming my three oldest and watching my Father take to them. I think that made his day. There was a lot of love being felt during those moments. I love that.

Off I go to sink into my bed, quiet my phone and try to sleep. Hopefully, no urgent text messages wake me up tonight. My soul needs a rest. I think I have done my part for the day.

Good night. xoxo

Being Grateful… Post #6

Today I am grateful for…

My neck massager.
Clean water.
My independent children getting up on their own, showering, making sure homework is done, eating breakfast, and just plain getting ready for school on their own.
Calm mornings.
Having a positive attitude and giving that to others.
The tears I have for my children as they get older each year. I am so proud of who they are becoming. Happy birthday Devin!

:). xo

Pinterest and Me – A New Beginning

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Pinterest and how much I like it. I’ve decided to add something fun and new to blog about. Using a “pin” on my Pinterest board and actually blogging about it.

A little background about Pinterest and I. Several years ago my friend, Lisa, sent me a message and told me that I should check out her boards on Pinterest and join myself. I looked it up and, knowing how addicted I can become with catalogs and magazines, I decided against it. Then about a year ago my Bestie, Tracey, brought it to my attention again. Oh boy! So, I thought about it. Long and hard. It took me several months, but then I did it. I joined! Oh boy, the madness had begun. LOL!!

I used to keep all kinds of catalogs and magazines around, turn the pages so they stuck out the top, so I could go back and see what it was that I wanted, or to remember that idea. When I was younger I used to even tear out the pages to keep in idea files that would forever get lost and forgotten about. Needless to say, I am a giant out-of-sight-out-of-mind person. If I can’t see it then it will most likely ALWAYS get forgotten about. This is just how my brain works. I am very, very visual in many ways.

I see Pinterest as a huge magazine, catalog and reference site. I just love it!!! I can’t throw it away like I have done with my catalogs and magazines that come in the mail. Yes, I actually have the recycle can right next to me now when I am going through the mail. I just toss it is and don’t have any more huge piles. It is my method to the madness. That is why I came up with this. At least I will be showing how I have been using some of my pins that I have on all my crazy boards.

Please keep a look out for the future posts… “Pinterest and Me”. 🙂

xo

 

5th Week… 5th Weigh-In

I missed blogging about my weigh-in for my 4th week.  Just to stay on track I lost .6 Pounds again, which gave me a total loss of 4 pounds in 4 weeks.

This past weigh-in my friend, Kim, and I went on Monday instead of Sunday. Sunday was the day after my Birthday and Birthday Party and there was just no way we were going to make it.  Anyway, we did make it Monday.  I was surprised to find that I had lost 1.2 for a total of 5.2 the past 5 weeks.  I was really happy actually too!  I drank, ate and had a great time. I hope everyone had as great of a Halloween this year as I did!!

Unfortunately, the several days my body has been suffering from the cake that I had 3 days in a row (I didn’t have any today). Lack of water, back on that today too and many other things.  I don’t think it is coincidental at all that I feel bloated, nauseous and my stomach is just not happy with me in general.  Today I am back on track!!

Today I am heading to a new Bikram Yoga studio near  my house and couldn’t be more excited!  Free classes since Monday and I am finally going to make it!!  I can’t wait to sweat out all of this crap!

Go Kathleen Go!  😉

Round 3 – Day 6

I forgot to post for today… well, now it is really yesterday.  Anyway, after Friday Family Pizza Night I had a couple more glasses of wine & a fabulous strawberry cupcake from Caketini. I was a bit worried this morning, but its all good.  I was 176.4! I am totally good with that.  😉  
xo

WordPress A Post A Day/Week #31 ~ If you had your own reality show…

If you had your own reality show, what would it be called?

What would it be about? Who would the main characters be?

I have no desire whatsoever to have my own reality show.  If I had to though I guess it would be a cooking show… something that takes place in my kitchen.  Cooking with my family and my friends.  Drinking wine, making martinis, baking and enjoying life.  What would be better than that?  For me, nothing.  🙂

xo

Cinnamon Rolls

Yesterday I made my very first Cinnamon Rolls from scratch. They turned out amazing!

I was on Facebook yesterday morning and put in my status update that I was looking for a recipe.  I had found a great one from Alton Brown, but it was his Overnight Cinnamon Rolls and I didn’t get a chance to start them the night before, because I felt like crap. My friend, Kim, came through for me and sent me her Sister-in-Laws recipe.  I only changed a couple of things, but wow!  I will for sure be making these again.  It is definitely a half a day affair, but so worth it.  My Husband said, “these cinnamon rolls are the best that I have ever had.  Really, hands down!”  How sweet was that!

I also wanted to add that I did do something a little different from in the recipe… I didn’t have powdered milk, so I substituted with half evaporated milk and the other half 2% milk (I would say you could use evaporated, any regular milk or heavy whipping cream)… this is in place of the water and powdered milk.  The same amount of cups as it calls for water.  Also, I basted the cinnamon rolls with melted butter before I put them in the oven and then again after they came out.  Yum!

Anyhow, I wanted to share this amazing recipe and some fun photos I took along the way.  My youngest Son wanted them as big as his head, so I did  my best to make them jumbo size. I hope you enjoy this journey as much as we did.  🙂

xo

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Kim  February 4 at 10:05am

Here’s the recipe, the substitutions listed are to make it non-dairy (sister-in-law doesn’t do dairy)Perfect Cinnamon Roll Dough

Warm and soft with the slightest touch of sweetness, this roll dough is simply perfect for making cinnamon rolls. If you’re wary of making yeast breads, you really have nothing to fear. The only vaguely tricky step is mixing the yeast into appropriately warm water. Water too hot can kill off the yeast, but lukewarm water won’t activate it. A good rule of thumb to use when preparing the warm water for your yeast is to run your own hand under the faucet and feel the temperature of the water. If you’d take a nice, long bath in it, it’s probably the perfect temp for your yeast. Enjoy!2 cups very warm water
2 tablespoons dry yeast
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup instant, nonfat dry milk – substitute ½ cup non-dairy vanilla pudding
2 teaspoons salt
1 egg
4-5 1/2 cups flour, all-purpose (bread flour can be used if you have it on hand)
1 stick butter (softened) – substitute 4 tbs of butter flavored shortening and 4 tbs of dairy free margarine

In a large bowl, whisk together the warm water and yeast. Whisk in the sugar and allow the yeast to foam slightly by letting it sit alone for 5 minutes, or so. Stir in the dry milk( or ½ cup pudding mix), salt, and egg. Slowly start stirring in the flour, cup by cup, until a thick, sticky dough is formed. Don’t add too much! You want it sticky and pliable, not overly floury. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface, sprinkle a thin layer of flour on top, and knead the bread until it becomes a little less sticky and slightly elastic. Now begin to knead the butter into the dough. It should make the dough very soft and greasy enough so the dough no longer needs any flour. Once the butter has been kneaded through, and the dough is elastic, set it in a lightly greased bowl, cover it with a slightly damp, clean cloth, and allow to rise for about 1 hour.
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Melt-In-Your-Mouth Cinnamon Rolls

The true secret to amazing cinnamon rolls isn’t so much the recipe, it’s the method. Be sure to read through the instructions below, I’ve tried to let you in on the ultimate tips to make absolutely perfect cinnamon rolls.1 stick butter, very soft (or dairy free margarine)
1 1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup cinnamon
Once the dough has risen and doubled in sized, turn it back out onto a lightly floured countertop. Use a rolling-pin to roll the dough out quite thin, about 1/4 inch thick. (To make smaller cinnamon rolls, I like to roll the dough into a long rectangle that is about 4 inches wide. For monster sized cinnamon rolls, I tend to roll the dough into more of a square).
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Use your hands to spread the butter in a nice, thick layer across the surface of the dough. Sprinkle a generous layer of white sugar on top of the butter. (You can use brown sugar, too. But I love the white-sugar-taffy that pools in the bottom of a pan when making it this way.)
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Now for the IMPORTANT step. Sprinkle a GOOD layer of cinnamon on top of the sugar. Too much and you’ll clear out the sinuses of everyone eating. Too little, however, and you’re cinnamon rolls won’t be nearly as delicious as they could be. Don’t be stingy with the cinnamon. If you’re feeling really daring, drizzle a second layer of 3-4 tablespoons of melted butter over the cinnamon & sugar layer.)

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Roll the cinnamon rolls up tightly, pinching the top edge closed to keep the cinnamon rolls closed while baking. Slice into 2″ rolls with a knife and place on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Allow to rise for another 25-30 minutes before baking.*
Bake in an oven preheated to 375 degrees for 18-22 minutes, or just until the edges of the rolls have browned slightly. Remove from oven, allowing to cool for 20-30 minutes before frosting and serving.
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Decadent Cream Cheese Buttercream
This is it. The only way to make light, fluffy, melt-in-your-mouth cream cheese frosting in the way it’s made in this recipe…a teensy taste of cream cheese, a boatload of butter. You’re gonna love it.

4 oz. (goat) cream cheese
2 sticks butter (or dairy free margarine)
2 pounds powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2-4 Tablespoons (coconut) milk
In a large bowl beat together all ingredients until a thick but spreadable frosting appears. Slather on slightly warm cinnamon rolls and enjoy!

Kathleen Lewis-Shelfer February 4 at 10:06am

Thank you! I am printing it out now and getting started! xo

WordPress Post a Day/Week #6 ~ How do you stay focused?

How do you stay focused?

I think this is an easy one.  You just do it!  I don’t know how easier to say it.  🙂

30 Days – Day 5

Day 5 – Your Dreams

I think of this topic 2 completely different ways.  The dreams I have when I sleep and the dreams I have for the future.

The dreams I have when I sleep are mine all mine!  LOL!  I share them from time-to-time, but don’t always remember them after waking.  I used to keep a dream journal, but don’t even know where it is these days.  Once in a while I will jot a dream down in my journal, but I haven’t even really been writing in that lately.  I know, I suck.  Writing is so therapeutic for me.  Why I don’t do it I will never know.  It just comes in spurts.

The dreams I have for my future are pretty easy.   I dream of being back in California.  Preferable the Bay Area and living on the coast.  I would be happy with anywhere close to my Family again though.

I dream of living in a new home with my family and having gatherings and parties all the time.  Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, BBQ’s, game nights, cocktails by the pool, sleep overs in the tree house with my Boys, Birthday parties, surprise parties, parties for just no reason.  Just fun, just hanging out, just being driving distance to see everyone.  I have 5 generations of family that I miss in California.  5 Generations that I can’t wait to hold a big Family Reunion for.

I want to live in a home in California where my Children are going to grow up and make wonderful friendships.  Play up and down the street.  Walk to school.  Have friends ringing the doorbell everyday.  Even going to school with another one of their relatives.  That would be even more amazing.

I want my Children to know their family… their Aunts, Uncles, Cousins.  I want them to see them more than once a year.  I want them to have what I did.  I don’t think that is too tall of a dream.

That is my dream… California.  🙂

xo

It’s A New Day In My Skin – Day 80

Weight:  182

Size:  14

Exercise:  2.02 miles on the treadmill.

I had wanted to do 6 miles on the treadmill this morning, but my mind just wasn’t into it. We dropped our Boys off at school this morning.  I ran in with my youngest to carry his Birthday cupcakes into class. We put them on the teacher’s desk, then we walked back outside.  He had 15 minutes until class started.  He got that sad and scared look on his face.  He didn’t want me to go.  I had to though.  My Husband had an appointment at 8:30 and was waiting for me in the car.  I was a mess after having to leave him.  I left him with the Teacher’s Aide from his class.  She is fabulous and could see that he was having a hard time.  I kissed and hugged him once again and proceeded to walk away.  Walk away with tears welling up in my eyes.  Thinking… if I only could have stayed until he went into class, then he would have been fine.  He is always fine once he gets into class.  Sigh… it has been riding on me all day.  So, needless to say, I only got 2 miles in today instead of my 6 that I was hoping for.

xo