I woke up this morning during a dream. With a wash of sadness over me.
My Husband, 4 Boys and I, drove to pick up my Great Aunt Lolly. I was impressed that Andrew knew where she lived. We pulled in front of the small house and I got out. I went inside and was greeted. I can remember by whom. Great Aunt Lolly wasn’t there as of yet and we were to wait.
As I went further into the house other relatives were there. My Great Aunt Hazel sitting at a small table with three others. Again, I can’t remember who now. Frustrating that happens with dreams. Great Aunt Hazel was telling me how much I looked like someone. I was peering into her face thanking her. It had been so long since I had seen her and I was so happy.
As we were all chatting more people started showing up in the family. By the fives and tens. The house was still decorated for the holidays. I assumed they were coming to help clean up. They were grabbing white garbage bags as they came in.
At one point I was sitting outside watching a huge truck load of relatives show up. Young and old. All dressed beautiful for the day. There was music playing. Everyone was dancing in the room to the left past the Christmas tree. Smiling, having an absolutely wonderful time. Other rooms were filled with people sitting and talking. All enjoying each other with more smiles from ear to ear. There must have been over a hundred people there at this point.
As I sat watching all of this unfold in front of me, I started getting very sad and extremely envious. Wishing I had been invited to this amazing event. Not feeling so left out and alone.
I guess what this comes down too is I miss my Mother. I was showing a friend an old photo of her last night.
I also miss the gatherings my Great Grand Parents and also my Grand Parents would have at their homes. Most of the older relatives in my dream are all passed on.
I still crave being with my family. In reality, unless I set something up, I don’t see anyone. It breaks my heart. I think about it all of the time.
I miss that sense of family and the connection. Even though, my Father has lived with me for 15 years, I don’t understand why we don’t have it any more and I miss it so much. That family connection. All I can do is to keep reaching out. Keep setting things up and plan larger events. My goal this year is to plan my first of many, huge family reunions. I’ll make it happen. I know I can.
Hug someone you love today. Call someone you miss and tell them you love them. :)